Today I have found out I shall be going into hospital at the beginning of October. I knew it was coming but it is still very stressful. I am worrying quite a bit about what will happen and how things will work with Stan having time off to help me when I am back home from the hospital. Also it is frustrating that this has made me have so much time off and has affected my studies and ability to work so much. I just feel so lost and anxious. It would be great if I could know that I shall be able to study while I am off to at least keep my mind in one piece, though I don't know if that is possible as it doesn't feel in one piece at all at the moment!!
You want to know that everything will work out, but there is so much to sort out, I have no idea what will come of anything. All I want is to be healthy, know my family are ok and be able to study and work. But it feels like it has been such a long time since all that has been possible. I am very low and am just trying to get on with everything that is happening. I have been reading a lot for my studies and I think I am progressing with getting some framework together on how the thesis shall work. I am hoping to have some idea before I go into hospital, so I can get out and just work on it while I recover. I am sure that that is a pipe dream, but you have to try to keep busy somehow!!
I am glad my blog has been so interesting to some people, it is a shame though that they do not read all of it before making assumptions!! This summer has felt like a damp squib to me as I have been struggling with so much, but it has also been good that I have been able to spend some quality time with Stan and Hannah before everything starts happening. The 3 weeks we get in the summer are very important to me as it feels that it is the only time we get to be together by ourselves. I know there is Xmas but that is for family and Easter is not very long an dis for spending with others as well. So it is good that this summer we got to have some personal time and spending the time on the boat all by ourselves, I think means that we are topped up on alone time till next year! I think Hannah will be glad to back at school so she can see her friends and not be with her boring parents and depressed mum!! Amazingly Stan and Hannah have also managed not to spend most of the time arguing!!, I think it is because they were so busy, since I could not do a whole lot but watch what was happening.
I have started to try writing again, in a vain hope that I can concentrate long enough to get an article to a boating magazine, it might also help my confidence so I can write to more historical things, when I have the material together from my project. Now that there is a date I am hoping that I can get my head around what is happening and get prepared but we shall see what the next fee weeks bring. I am sure that there are still more stormy waters ahead!!
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